Category Archives: Scams

Oklahomos Test Literal Due Process Circumvention Device For Electronic Seizures

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The Oklahoma State Patrol1 (WOT:nonpeople) is now testing a new device that is sure to set the standard for "law enforcement" officers that wish to quickly steal citizens funds without the hassle of due process. The Electronic Recovery and Access to Data machine, or ERAD for short, allows officers to scan any credit or debit cards of individuals suspected of criminal activity and seize any funds contained on them. Before the cards presented a mystery to officers who had to wonder how much their victim could pull out the an ATM with their debit card. A copy of the work contract with the state shows that they are paying a price of $5000 for the scanners and associated software, an expense which is surely to be quickly recouped within days. Sorry For Your Loss.

  1. Affectionately known as The Oklahomos  ↩

Fenton Taking Leave Of Vessenes' Fundnation Corpse

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Bruce Fenton (WOT:nonperson) has announced on the Bitcoin core client fork's slack channel that he will be resigning his position as director of Vessenes' Fundnation1 in 2 months. When the news started making the rounds on social media, he quickly added he might stay if he had assistance or funding, leading to speculation the announcement is a last-ditch attempt to scam more gullible redditors out of money. The Vessenes' Fundnation blew through 5800 BTC in 2014 and have repeatedly balked at releasing financials and transparency reports on their website. Despite repeated appeals to the public to help him revive the failed organization, it seems no one can figure out what the Vessenes' Fundnation actually is good for besides handing out out fancy titles and harboring failed child stars and alleged child fuckers like Brock Pierce (WOT:nonperson).

  1. Also known as the organization fraudulently misrepresenting itself as the actual Bitcoin Foundation  ↩

Likely Next French President Wants Bitcoin Ban

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Likely next French President Marine Le Pen (WOT:nonperson) has gone on the record stating that she would like a ban on Bitcoin. Remember kids that National Socialism is still socialism with all its kleptographic tendencies intact. This holds whether Donald Trump-Clinton (WOT:nonperson) or bizzaro French Hilary Trump-Clinton (WOT:nonperson) is promoting it. Sorry for your loss. Peace in our time.

Microsoft, Google, And Facebook Partner With EU On Censorship Effort

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"Law Enforcement" agencies in the European Union have entered into an agreement with Microsoft, Google, and Facebook to streamline their censorship processes together. The agreement is being referred to publicly as a "code of conduct" though it appears to be more akin to the also somewhat misleadingly named legal construction commonly referred to as a "consent" decree. Under the guise of combating illegal "hate" speech the companies have been pledged to censor material on their platforms determined to be "hate" speech within 24 hours. The European Commision has bound these countries to follow these guidelines singularly throughout the European Union with out any variance to accommodate local cultural norms.

Bitcoin Fork "Core" Plans To "Open Up" Contribution Process

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The "Core" fork of the reference Bitcoin client plans to open up their development process in order to solicit changes from parties uninterested in technology. The move is supposedly inspired by the ClassicCoin coup attempt as developers of the "Core" client prepare their own "CoreCoin" coup attempt. As other hostile social engineers did before, they will attempt to move value from actual Bitcoin to their altcoin by fraudulently misrepresenting their effort as some sort of "natural evolution" or enhancement of Bitcoin.

Unlike the ClassicCoin team this different merry brand of fraudsters will lean on their history of conning the mining cartel1 into enforcing various option "soft forks" unrelated to the actual Bitcoin protocol as a sort of magical token of legitimacy. Nevertheless their claims of "stewardship" over Bitcoin have still less basis in fact than the Australian Fraudster Hoaxtoshi's claims of having created Bitcoin.

The "CoreCoin" team has not yet publically made any content containing statements on what they will bring to the table actually justifying the grave move to hard fork Bitcoin deferring to their need, like Gavin did, to do it so people know it can be done.

 

  1. The fact that the CoreCoin developers and leaders of the major mining pools have gathered together and entered into contracts together is prima facie evidence that "Yes Virginia, there is a mining cartel."  ↩

Hoaxtoshi Breaks Promise

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Today Hoaxtoshi, also known as Craig Steven Wright (WOT:nonperson), broke a promise he made earlier this week to publicly present present proof that he might be the historical Satoshi. Hoaxtoshi began the week by hoodwinking a number of high volume/low quality media outlets like the BBC and the Economist into believing he was Satoshi by taking an early transaction from the blockchain and presenting its parts ordered in such a way as to fake the act of signing with a key awarded an early coinbase transaction. The exact words he presented are:

I’m Sorry
I believed that I could do this. I believed that I could put the years of anonymity and hiding behind me. But, as the events of this week unfolded and I prepared to publish the proof of access to the earliest keys, I broke. I do not have the courage. I cannot.

When the rumors began, my qualifications and character were attacked. When those allegations were proven false, new allegations have already begun. I know now that I am not strong enough for this.

I know that this weakness will cause great damage to those that have supported me, and particularly to Jon Matonis and Gavin Andresen. I can only hope that their honour and credibility is not irreparably tainted by my actions. They were not deceived, but I know that the world will never believe that now. I can only say I’m sorry.

And goodbye.

Which exactly fits the scammer modus operandi of claiming their emotional fragility on par with the contemporary northeastern liberal arts student makes solving the problem they claim they are easily equipped to solve "too hard" on an emotional level.

Hoaxtoshi Continues Swindling Media

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Craig Steven Wright (WOT: nonperson) has reportedly hosted an event with reporters from various fiat media outlets where he faked signing a string with an early coinbase transaction in order to be declared actual Satoshi. For this ruse Hoaxtoshi took an existing transaction signed by the key credited in the block 9 coinbase transaction and acted as though he was signing at the event even though the signature had been actually produced long ago by the key's actual owner. Because of the positions the low quality rubes Hoaxtoshi selected for his audience hold in the fiat media order there are declarations that Hoaxtoshi is the actual Satoshi appearing in various news syndication channels including the BBC and CBS radio. These rubes were very understanding of the fact that Hoaxtoshi apparently couldn't actually move any coins because "the trust actually owns them"(TM)(R).

Point: Washington Thugs Testing GM Mosquitos

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This Editor in Chief has filed an Op-Ed in response to piece of news.

The assembly of hoodrats headed by Hussein Bahamas in Washington D.C. requests public comment regarding a field trial of genetically modified mosquitoes (archived) in Key Haven, Florida. Such trials have already been conducted in Brazil, the Cayman Islands, Panama, and Malaysia. The variation of Aedes aegypti engineered by Oxitec, Ltd. (archived) is supposed to breed with existing populations, and pass on a fatal alteration its genetic code. Notably this fatal alteration merely has a suppressive effect on populations creating a need to continually shell out for more bezzle bugs. Continue reading →

FTC Settles With Butterfly Labs, Suspended Penalties For Management

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Today the United States Federal Trade Commission announced it reached a settlement against Butterfly Labs and the firm's principals Sonny Vleisides and Jody/Darla Drake. Out of a 38,615,161 United States dollar judgment against the firm and Sonny Vleisides the firm is to pay 15,000 and Sonny Vleisides is to pay 4,000. A separate judgment against Jody/Darla Drake for 135,878 United States dollars will similarly be suspended in exchange for Jody/Darla surrendering all of the Bitcoin she mined on company machines thus giving her a choice in how to pay her penalty. These "partial" suspensions were agreed to based on the defendants' inability to pay and are offered in exchange for various promises to not engage in the criminal behavior they built their "business" on for some finite period of time. The orders pertaining to Sonny Vleisides and Butterfly Labs as well as the order for Jody/Darla Drake are reproduced in plaintext below: Continue reading →