Author Archives: pete_dushenski

FDA Prepares To Regulate Literal Shitware

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Despite small-scale studies indicating that poo replacement treatment – known as Fecal Microbiota for Transplantation (FMT) – can be more effective than vancomycin at combatting Clostridium difficile infections, USG.FDA is preparing to regulate the emerging market in order to protect its Big Pharma supporters. Also, given that highly antibiotic resistant C. difficile pathogens are the leading cause of nosocomial infections in American community hospitals, that USG.Hospital wants to solve the problems it made itself is largely par for the course.

Intent on entangling FMT treatment in a bureaucratic quagmire to rival AML/KYC,1 USG.FDA's proposed regulations would deprive needy Americans of doctor-facilitated avenues for treatment, pushing even more folks into the smelly back alleys of the dark web, if only 10.5g at a time.

Sorry for your loose2

  1. APL/KYB anyone ? ↩

  2. stool, c. diff is a bitch.  ↩

Tree Nuts Liberated In California

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In a state known for enviro-mentalism, exorbitant housing prices, inoffensive wine, and year-round surfing, a $9.3 bn per year industry is being skimmed by asset liberators other than those in Sacramento and Washington (archived). These non-violent crimes – stealing truckloads of physical altcoins in the shapes of almonds, pistachios, and a variety of other tree nuts – are apparently being conducted using falsified documentation, laptops, and cell phones, tools widely known to be used by scammers and terrorists and probably next in line for the political firing squad after the beloved AR-15. Last year, 310.847 tons of untraceable anonymous tree nuts valued at $4.6 mn were reported stolen.

Unable to contend with unknown bands of brazen thieves stomping on their turf, California's State Assembly is looking to flush even more taxpayer money it doesn't have down the drain by creating an "Agricultural Cargo Theft Task Force" to contend with the rising challenge. Sorry for your nuts.

Philipino President Tells Soros Where To Shove It

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The incoming President of the Republic of the Phillipines and former Mayor of Davao City has publicly and provocatively rebuked accusations from New York-based and George Soros(WOT:nonperson)-backed Human Rights Watch (HRW) that the former Spanish colony is involved in human rights abuses, particularly a soi-disant "Davao Death Squad" that the Mayor himself is alleged to have been involved in. Citing America's less than exemplary treatment of its African citizens, Mayor Rodrigo Duterte had some choice words for the overtly hypocritical and broadly meddlesome libertards from across the Pacific :

To all the bleeding hearts of US-based crime watch: You want a taste of justice, my style? Come to Davao City Philippines, and do drugs in my city. I will execute you in public. And finally, you SOB’s, I offer no excuses nor do I apologize. So be it.

Long known for its bad copywriters, live-in nannies, and Tim Horton's servers par excellence, Duterte is single-handedly changing his island nation's international image from one of servile friendliness to one of a TMSR~esque bullshit intolerance. For that, we salute him

Mercedes Joins German Carmaker Emissions Train

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Never content to allow trends to pass it by without a full-throttle attempt at keeping up – be it luxury SUVs, hybrid cars, or überfragmentation of market niches – German firm Daimler AG, which oversees automaker Mercedes-Benz, has just been implicated in its own nitrous oxide (NOx) emissions scandal, following the lead of compatriot Volkswagen and overseas upstart Tesla Motors. Continue reading →

Facebook Reaches New Highs As Money Laundry Spins

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Although Facebook's desktop platform is no longer providing the revenue stream that some platform investors came to expect, and even though the whole shebang is a very thinly veiled 21st century Pravda, reports are in that speculators in the jewel of the USG's social media crown have driven the firm's stock price to new heights on the back of "mobile" advertising revenues. Continue reading →

Tesla Mimicks VW In Own Nitrous Oxide Scandal

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Reports are in that Tesla Motors, the explicitly green-washed and implicitly USG-backed electric car company, is struggling to meet California's strict nitrous oxide (NOx) emissions standards (archived). Readers will recall that this is in fact the same air pollutant that embroiled German carmaker Volkswagen in its recent "dieselgate" scandal. Continue reading →

Italy Misses Terrorists Hits Gamers

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After hilarious reports came out following the Friday the 13th Paris attacks that the Playstation home gaming console was involved in terrorist planning and coordination efforts, Italian Minister of Justice and founding member of the Italian Democratic Party Andrea Orlando has announced (archived) that one hundred and fifty million Euros are to be allocated to the increased surveillance and monitoring of digital communications in general and the Playstation system in particular. More credible reports indicate that the attacks were planned using plaintext SMS. Continue reading →