Author Archives: Aaron 'BingoBoingo' Rogier

HFPA Insists Former Head's Groping Of 'George of the Jungle' Was A Joke

Posted on by

The Hollywood Foreign Press Association has concluded their investigation into former head Philip Berk's groping of George of the Jungle, born Brendan Frasier, at a Golden Globes event in 2003 (archived). The group has concluded the incident was a joke. The then 34 year old George of the Jungle recalled of the incident:

His left hand reaches around, grabs my ass cheek, and one of his fingers touches me in the taint. And he starts moving it around. I felt ill. I felt like a little kid. I felt like there was a ball in my throat. I thought I was going to cry.

Last month Riverstone Pictures released a children's film titled Show Dogs in which the central plot point was a police dog "finding his quiet place" in order to get over his discomfort with dog show judges manhandling his genitalia.

Miss America Pageant No Longer A Pageant Or About Beautiful Women

Posted on by

The organizers of the Miss America pageant announced today that they will be scrapping all appearance based aspects of their contest including the evening gown and swimsuit portions (archived). The organization's chairwoman, 1989 contest winner and Fox News hostess Gretchen Carlson offered on the changes:

We are not going to judge you on your outward appearance. We want more women to know that they are welcome in this organization… We are moving it forward and evolving it in this cultural revolution…

Populists Thwart Italian President – Candidate For Finance Minister Found Who Hasn't Talked About Leaving Eurozone… Yet

Posted on by

Italian populist parties managed to find a finance minister capable of salvaging their effort at forming a coalition government after the Italian President sabotaged their earlier efforts (archived). After Italian and international fiat markets suffered this week in the wake of President Sergio Mattarella's affront to their democracy, the puppet former IMF head Mattarella appointed as interim Prime Minister happily resigned his mandate when Five Star and the League found an anti-Euro finance minister who hadn't actually proposed leaving the Eurozone in public yet.

Outage After English Leader Sentenced To 13 Months And British Court Orders Media Blackout – Cowardly Mainstream Publications Including Breitbart Withdrew Articles

Posted on by

Outrage over the arrest of English leader Tony Robinson continues after a British court sentenced the Englishman to 13 months in prison for "contempt of court" and further issued an order banning media from reporting on the arrest and sentencing (archived). In the wake of the court order articles covering Robinson's initial arrest began disappearing from publications ranging from British newspaper the Mirror to US based Breitbart media.

The court imposed restrictions on reporting the case were eventually lifted. In its reporting that the court lifted its blackout, Breitbart has failed to apologize or explain why they aided and comforted the terrorist regime in the United Kingdom (archived).