Craig Steven Wright (WOT: nonperson) has reportedly hosted an event with reporters from various fiat media outlets where he faked signing a string with an early coinbase transaction in order to be declared actual Satoshi. For this ruse Hoaxtoshi took an existing transaction signed by the key credited in the block 9 coinbase transaction and acted as though he was signing at the event even though the signature had been actually produced long ago by the key's actual owner. Because of the positions the low quality rubes Hoaxtoshi selected for his audience hold in the fiat media order there are declarations that Hoaxtoshi is the actual Satoshi appearing in various news syndication channels including the BBC and CBS radio. These rubes were very understanding of the fact that Hoaxtoshi apparently couldn't actually move any coins because "the trust actually owns them"(TM)(R).
Author Archives: Aaron 'BingoBoingo' Rogier
No Such lAbs Phuctoring Harder Than Ever
Since its recent return the Phuctor by No Such lAbs has been undergoing a rapid series of improvements. The new incarnation of Phuctor in addition to sporting vastly improved hardware and factoring a Northrop Grumman PGP root Certificate authority the RSA Supercollider has moved from Euclid's GCD function to Bernstein's allowing it to process the whole set of collected keys in seconds, a process it repeats several times per hour. After being fed the first million primes on top of the factors already discovered through GCD, Phuctor has as of this writing broken 222 moduli.
Qntra (S.QNTR) April 2016 Report
US Congress Considers Expanding Authority Of Bureaucratic Magistrates
Neatly mirroring the decaying implementation of Justice in the Soviet Union fifty years prior, The United States Congress is considering changing the Federal Rules of Criminal Procedure in a way that greatly favors police and prosecutors. Chief among this changes is broadening the authority of sub-judicial magistrate "judges" (functionally they are police station gonzos, working mostly as police detectives) to issue warrants and have their warrants recognized outside of their immediate jurisdiction. Due to their para-judicial role indented to supplement actual judges magistrates have traditionally had their limited authority end at the border of their immediate district's borders. The proposed changes are presented in full below: Continue reading
Politically Inclined Serial Child Molester Gets 15 Months In Prison
Former United States Speaker of the House and second in the line of succession for the Presidency Dennis Hastert admitted during a sentencing hearing today that as a wrestling coach he would molest grappling students that he found in the locker room alone. In the time since Hastert left coaching high school grappling he went on to have a second career in politics reaching one of the highest elected offices in the criminal gang based in Washington DC which professes to govern the United States. One grappler upon whom Hastert lewdly imposed his sexual will in the locker room is now reportedly a successful banking executive in his fifties while another died from AIDS during the 1990's. Hastert's 15 month sentence is more than twice the six month sentence recommended by federal prosecutors and far less than Ross Ulbricht's life sentence and 183,961,921 United States dollar fine for trying to do the tech startup thing. The former locker room predator arrived in a wheel chair having become elderly and suffering a stroke in the decades after moving on from the job which allowed him to hunt strapping young men.
It is unknown how many children recent house speakers Newt Gingrich, Nancy Pelosi, John Boehner, or current speaker Paul Ryan may have molested.
Socialist Cuts Jobs On Campaign Trail
Acknowledging his campaign to derail a Clinton coronation at the Major United States Socialist Party's national convention isn't in the best of health, Bernie Sanders today announced that he would be "laying off" a number of paid campaign staff members. In socialism everyone is equally without worth and equally unpaid. Sorry for your loss.
Millennials, Apple Reject Capitalism Together
Organs of the Washinton Post bring us dire news on the fate of "Millennials" and the holding company burning the legacy of the late Apple Computer, Inc. A majority of millennials in the United States that responded to a survey have expressed opposition to capitalism. Meanwhile the consumer electronics company selling1 iPnohes and other iCrap has experienced its first year over year sales decline in 13 years. Sorry for your loss.
But not manufacturing, Foxconn does that ↩
Massive Qatar National Bank Leak Circulating
A dump of approximately 15,000 documents from the Qatar National Bank with information on more than 100,000 accounts are now circulating around the web. This catastrophic failure of the fiat system is still smaller than the typical IRS leak. Sorry for your loss.
US Appeals Court Takes Time To Rule On Sportsball Case
Today the Unites States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit took time out of its day to uphold a 4 game suspension of Tom Brady for cheating in a playoff game according to the rules of the sportsball league. Rather than issue a ruling on any of the legal injustices occuring constantly in the United States, the justices instead chose to issue a ruling on the rules of sportsball consistent with the sportsball league's internal rules.
Failing Radioactive Waste Tanks At Hanford Site Put Pacific Coast On Edge
Various news sources are reporting that as the nuclear waste containment tanks at the Hanford Site along the Columbia River in Washington State age well beyond their 50 year service life leaks are increasing with at least one tank in a condition that could charitably be described as complete failure (archived). A United States Department of Energy Politruk described the horrific outcome as an "anticipated" side effect of efforts to empty the failed tank. The Hanford site is a part of Manhattan Project National Historical Park and administered jointly by the National Park Service and the Department of Energy. Continue reading