On Eve Of Convention Democrats Rewriting History Of Their Party

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Breitbart brings us news that Minnesota congressman Keith Ellison (WOT:nonperson) tried to rewrite the history of his party, the one set to coronate Hillary Rodham-Clinton (WOT:nonperson) as their nominee (archived). Ellison tried to declare that former four term Alabama governor, proud segregationist, and even prouder Democrat the late George Wallace was actually a Republican. In 1972 Wallace was the favored candidate to win the Democratic nomination for the presidency until he was shot five times. His campaign ended soon after the shooting. Ongoing concerns about Wallace's health enabled Carter to defeat Wallace in the 1976 primary  paving the way for Reagan convert a substantial portion of the Democratic party's base over to the minor socialist party during the 1980's. It turns out Ether huffers aren't the only people upset with the immutability of history.

I draw the line in the dust and toss the gauntlet before the feet of tyranny, and I say segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever.

– 1972's long time frontrunner for the nomination in Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Hussein Obama's party

France And Germany Bond Over Mass Killings

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Following a solo shopping mall putsch in Munich, Germany and France have decided to strengthen ties and increase their security cooperation. While the alleged mall shooter in Germany fits the traditional American profile of the angry white aspie spree killer, France has become a raging front in the war between ISIS/ISIL/Daesh and the west.

The reignited bromantic passion between the French and Germans comes as Britain decided to leave the European Union. It is uncertain how much violence it would take to strengthen the bonds between European Union remainers in order to head off Departugal, Italeave, et al.

Major Huffing Exchange To Trade Tokens From Surviving, Time Traveling Theft Free, Side Of Split

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Scamcoin exchange Poloniex announced on twitter that they have added market support for the "Ethereum Classic"1 (archived). Price in trading at the time of this article was 0.0012 BTC per Classic huff. Rumors were floating around the internet Sunday morning that a Chinese mining cartel intends to 51% the Ethereum Classic fork, to solidify the tradition of time travel theft among ether huffers. Sorry fork, your loss.

  1. The side of the Chainsplit which remained after Buterin's fork to break the DOA contract and steal ether huffing tokens.  ↩

Miami Man Shot By Police With Hands Up, Survives

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Friday while behavioral therapist Charles Kinsey was attempting to return a runaway autistic patient to a halfway house Miami he was shot by police. A 911 call to authorities was placed, in which the caller stated there was a man attempting to commit suicide in the street. When police arrived, the autistic patient was sitting in the street playing with a toy truck. Kinsey decided the best way to not get shot was to lay on the ground with his hands in the air, to appear as non-threatening as possible. Despite this strategy Johnathan Aledda fired three shots at the men, one bullet entered Kinsey's leg.

In the aftermath a second officer, Emile Hollant, was suspended after lying to investigators as part of a cover-up.

North Miami's police union representative John Riveria made a public statement trying to justify the shooting:

Many officers thought the white male had a firearm. Only much later, when we're able to Monday morning quarterback, do we find out that it's a toy. Only much later do we find out that the individual was autistic.

The justification seems to be a lie. In a cell phone video recording taken from a bystander at the scene, Kinsey can be heard yelling to officers the autistic patient was holding a truck and not arming a weapon. Even with alleged SWAT training Aledda not only missed his claimed target, he put a bullet in a black man.

In a moment of zen, Kinsey stated to a local news station:

When he hit me, I'm like, I still got my hands in the air.

I'm like, 'Sir, why did you shoot me?'

He said to me, 'I don't know.'

Peace in our time.

Oklahomo Police Sniper Kills Child's Dog

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A police sniper in Wynnewood Oklahoma killed Opie, a five year old child's dog, through the cover provided by a fence (archived). At the time Opie was shot he was attending his master's birthday party when police decided to execute a warrant against a suspect who had last resided in the residence hosting the party a decade ago. Wynnewood Police Chief Ken Moore (WOT:nonperson) defended the sniper's use of force saying the officer was unaware of Opie's presence and Opie had "charged at him" while on the other side of the fence. The war criminal Moore further defended raiding a rental property that had cycled through tenants numerous times in the decade since the suspect last resided there by offering "we had to start somewhere."

Having recieve numerous death threats motivated by Opie's murder Moore offered that the department, in light of recent events was very concerned.

Oklahoma is a testbed for "law enforcement" oppression tactics which are often later exported to other parts of the United States. Peace in our time.

Major Socialist Party Emails Free In Time For Convention

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Hacked emails from the Democratic National Committee are circulating freely in full unredacted glory just in time for Hillary Rodham-Clinton's cornation at the Democratic National Convention. Particularly juicy nuggets include full names, social security numbers, and credit card numbers of donors along with petty bickering. Notable bickering includes an email chain that determined the Obamas would be forbidden to book a performance at the White House from  petite pop singer Ariana Grande because she triggered a bunch of transmayos1 by licking a tray of donuts.

Meanwhile the Republican National Convention proceeded smoothly. On the first day an effort to allow delegates to vote ballots other than Donald Trump-Clinton was quashed. This was followed by Ted Cruz's refusal to endorse Donald Trump-Clinton which served as a unifying catalyst for the party. The convention closed with a speech by Donald Trump-Clinton which was insufficiently dark2 concerning the bleak prospects for the United States.

The cherry on top of the upcoming Democratic National Convention lulz is  Rodham-Clinton's selection of the socially conservative abortion hating Tim Kaine as zher running mate. In addition to criticism of Kaine's selection for supporting the Republican Party's platform on many social issues Kaine is drawing substantial criticism for being a bad sports fan pledging allegiance to the University of Kansas Jayhawks while being a graduate of Mizzou. Sorry for your loss.

  1. One of the party's major electoral demographics  ↩

  2. Naturally mainstream press criticized the speech for being "too dark" and gloomy.  ↩

Seafile Cloud Storage Forks

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The summer of forks is claiming victims outside of the "blockchain ecosystem", with the Seafile cloud service announcing it will be forking its code due to what it feels are unfair price increases by the Chinese cartel Seafile Ltd. (archived) Seafile developers claim Seafile Ltd. revoked their access to the project's source code, and they were forced to respond by blocking the cartel's access to the community and support forums. No word was offered as to whether the split would affect the security of users data stored across the fork. Sorry fork, your loss.

Trendon Shavers Sentenced

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A court in the United States sentenced Trendon Shavers (WOT:pirateat40) to:

  • 18 Months In Prison
  • $100 Special Assessment
  • 1,200,000 United States dollar forfeiture
  • 1,200,000 United States dollar "restitution"

Trendon Shavers plead guilty to charges of securities fraud back in October 2015.

Trendon was initially indicted by MPOE-PR (WOT:hanbot) on April 17th, 2012 (archived).

Coinbase Embraces Ether As Venture Continues Running On Fumes

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Coinbase recently announced that they are adding support for directly huffing ether, allowing existing Coinbase customers to now use their bank accounts and credit cards to huff ether. As previosly noted, Coinbase is running on fumes which habituates those attached to the venture into huffing volatile organic componds as they desperately need income to account for their nominal $500mn valuation. Coinbase's uncontrollable burn and rate powerlessness over their addiction to external infusions of capital has forced the company to project their desire to huff the sweet vitriol onto their customers. Sorry for your loss.