Category Archives: The Law

Remains Of Hewlett Packard Go All In On Remains Of Syfy Franchise

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In a press release today Hewlett Packard Enterprise, a venture cast off from printer ink scam and former technology powerhouse Hewlett Packard1 in 2015, announced it had bought the plotline to "Star Trek Beyond" from producers of the film as a marketing vehicle for an upcoming product launch. Created by Gene Roddenberry (WOT:nonperson) the Star Trek Syfy franchise helped to kickstart Hollywood's shift to an annuitized business model2 which allows for a predictable return on investment by telling audiences "STFU, these stories are connected." The product driving the plot of the film is yet another Unix machine produced by Hewlett Packard Enterprise (TM)(R) running with an odd build of Linux3 instead of HP-UX and a novel form of memory together united in the way the marketing department imagines it will work after 250 years of bug fixes.

  1. The piece of the historical Hewlett Packard's corpse which most closely carries out the original's work was severed in 1999 and now goes by the name Agilient Technologies.  ↩

  2. At present the outwardly healthiest of these motion picture annuities is operated by Disney utilizing their acquired comic book properties.  ↩

  3. Correction: Hewlett Packard Enterprise (TM)(R) scrapped their oddball Linux portion of this product in favor of running a less peculiar flavor of Linux  ↩

Bitfinex Pays Protection Money To US CFTC

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The United States Commodity and Futures Trading Commission announced that it has secured $75,000 in protection money from shambling forum scam Bitfinex. The pretext behind this payment is that Bitfinex participated in a sort of transaction the CFTC frowns upon implying its other business at this time has the tacit approval of this organ of the criminal gang in Washington, DC. In the past the CFTC has repeatedly tried to insist it has a place in Bitcoin in spite of all actual evidence to the contrary.1

  1. This evidence includes asserting its will over Bitfinex, the shambling forum scam that succeeded Mt Gox and Bitstamp as the shambling forum scam of choice as its predecessors have withered. Bitfinex will likely be succeeded in this role as well, but the next shambling forum scam to takes its place has yet to be determined.  ↩

Death Rate Rises In United States, Officials Puzzled

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News outlets are reporting the death rate in the United States is rising and that officials representing the criminal gang in Washinton, DC are publicly stating that they are puzzled by this development. You on the other hand don't have to be puzzled. The transmayo gender identity leads only to early death and diabetic limb amputations. Peace in our time.

Spread Between Chinese And Other Exchanges Settles With Dollar Lower Against Bitcoin

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The recent spread event between Chinese and other fiat/Bitcoin interfaces which took the price of the United States dollar to nearly a two year low versus Bitcoin has settled with the interfaces reporting roughly a hundred more United States dollars required to acquire a Bitcoin than it did one week ago. Up until this latest Chinese run the number of dollars required to get a Bitcoin had been remarkably stable in the 400s ever since they were remarkably stable in the 200s. Forecasts place the next subsidy halving just 39 days into the future which is likely to place further financial strain on the mining sector. As always Qntra recommends HODL as the best course of action for your psychological, spiritual, and financial well being. Sorry for your loss, but this halving train is a coming round the bend.

Microsoft, Google, And Facebook Partner With EU On Censorship Effort

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"Law Enforcement" agencies in the European Union have entered into an agreement with Microsoft, Google, and Facebook to streamline their censorship processes together. The agreement is being referred to publicly as a "code of conduct" though it appears to be more akin to the also somewhat misleadingly named legal construction commonly referred to as a "consent" decree. Under the guise of combating illegal "hate" speech the companies have been pledged to censor material on their platforms determined to be "hate" speech within 24 hours. The European Commision has bound these countries to follow these guidelines singularly throughout the European Union with out any variance to accommodate local cultural norms.

Forced Outrage Over Ohio Gorilla Shooting

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USistani news outlets have been constipated this weekend trying to pass a steaming pile of forced outrage upon the American populace. At the center of this effort is the shooting of a 400 pound male gorilla that was roughly dragging a toddler through the moat of its enclosure. In order to protect the life of the toddler and to protect themselves from torts of all kinds, zoo keepers in this incident immediately used lethal force against the silverback Harambe (WOT:nonperson). Now all manner of media in the United States is reporting the story alongside substantial supposing that the situation might have been handled in some way that lead to an outcome other than Harambe's death.

Harambe's legacy of failing to drown a human child is vastly eclipsed by the accomplishments of cetacean freedom fighter Tilikum who managed to bludgeon to death and drown 3 grown adults homo sapiens trained to oppress him during his ongoing captivity at various "amusement" parks. Tilikum rather than being shot for committing homicide instead was rewarded with the opportunity to sire 21 children through his captivity with the enthusiastic assistance of his captors. Apparently in the warped value system unloaded onto the American people whale lives matter more than those of apes and mens. Sorry for your loss. Peace in Our Time.

Asia Losing Garment Manufacturing Jobs To Machines

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Numerous reports are emerging that Adidas will be destroying the jobs of numerous workers in Asia who have been manufacturing their footwear for decades. Adidas is following numerous other garment manufacturers in deciding to trade payroll and other assorted costs associated with employing homo sapiens for the comparatively predictable costs associated with financing and maintaining machines. Urban apparel maker Nike is also working on eliminating its workforce in Asia in favor of roboting garment assembly. Mining never changes. Sorry for your loss.

US dollar Falls Against Bitcoin In Move Lead By Chinese Trading

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The value of the United States dollar has been falling sharply over the past week as evidenced by prices reported by various exchanges. Compare today:

gribble: Bitstamp BTCUSD last: 515.98, vol: 12731.63597753 | BTC-E BTCUSD last: 504.248, vol: 15287.34937 | Bitfinex BTCUSD last: 525.01, vol: 78077.20951914 | CampBX BTCUSD last: 455.0, vol: 8.61002736 | BTCChina BTCUSD last: 582.162181, vol: 98456.32250000 | Kraken BTCUSD last: 523.412, vol: 5386.22732809 | Bitcoin-Central BTCUSD last: 489.06, vol: 175.11466033 | Volume-weighted last average: (1 more message)
gribble: 549.658128339

To May 27th:

gribble: Bitstamp BTCUSD last: 470.26, vol: 12079.16275283 | BTC-E BTCUSD last: 467.8, vol: 12941.60984 | CampBX BTCUSD last: 451.0, vol: 4.26073272 | BTCChina BTCUSD last: 496.321332, vol: 74752.45100000 | Kraken BTCUSD last: 470.9, vol: 1744.79227392 | Bitcoin-Central BTCUSD last: 471.5728, vol: 209.9632246 | Volume-weighted last average: 489.10970125

Notice from today's report that Chinese trading is leading this devaluation of the United States dollar. Chinese traders have also been substantially divesting from non-dollar United States assets at an accelerating rate for the past several years. Sorry for your loss.

Interview With Cock.li Email Service Founder Vincent Canfield

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A Seekrit Subpoena, Published
MP (WoT:mircea_popescu) Hey, mind doing an interview with me to be published on qntra ?

VC (Vincent Canfield WoT:vc) Sure, I don't know what qntra is though.

MP qntra.net, bitcoin news site.

VC Oh I see.

MP So then… let's see… why did you quit college ?

PD1: "The Romania-based e-mail admin concluded his video with this proclamation: "It’s raining dicks right now. And the forecast isn’t that good either. There’s a 90 percent chance of dicks tonight and a 90 percent chance of dicks tomorrow." — gggggold.

VC I dropped out because I was at a shit university and also I had a job where I was making as much as with a degree so I didn't really see the point. Since then my decision has been confirmed with professional experience and also I'm travelling the world instead which has been leagues better to me than university ever was.

MP What was your major ?

VC CS, specializing in computer security.

MP Ever thought of trying something more alligned with the actual purpose of universities (ie, scoring) ? Dunno, humanities, bidniss, whatever ?

VC Maybe, though I have heard bad things about the university here, I am currently living in Romania ;)

MP Where in Romania ?

VC Bucharest.

MP Possibly shittiest city in the whole country. Try Brasov or Cluj or something eh.

DC2 Ahahaa, in that Bucharest is the only *city* as such… towns aplenty, way better than Bucharest too, sure3

MP So how do you like Romania ?

VC It's great, the internet here is very fast4 and the food is very good :@) It's also very cheap to live here, considering I still work for a US company.

MP I lived there for a few years. 2nd bitcoin conference also held there (Timisoara). Meanwhile though, moved to Argentina. So what was your involvement in that 2015 "scandal" ?

VC Someone registered on my public E-mail server and sent threats through my service, I was the only public face other than the police or the school district so I was subject to a lot of media attention. I was all over the news in the US and Romania for 3 or 4 days.

MP You know vc.gg is not responding ?

VC Works on my machine ™.

MP I see. Alright, so what are your plans for the future ?

VC Re: future plans https://my.mixtape.moe/rwuurt.jpg

MP I'm kinda hoping for something with cocks in it. So how did you hear about bitcoin ?

VC idk I first got into it in 2010 I think? BTC was $0.8 – $0.9

MP Did you do anything ? Services, whatever ?

VC Mostly just between friends, and buying stuff with bitcoin when it was available. I gave away several bitcoin when they were worth nothing :)

MP You ever heard about Eulora ?

VC Nope.

MP How about the SEC sending supoenas to this Romania-based dude back in 2012, when they were posturing about Satoshi Dice ?

VC I do remember Satoshi Dice, though I don't remember much past that.

MP Interesting how fragmented this supposed "bitcoin community" actually is. Alright, so what's your plan with the hoster ? What was it, cock.li ?

VC the email site is https://cock.li/, the VPS provider is https://box.cock.li/. The former is not-for-profit, the second is for-profit.

MP Do you plan to pivot from corporate life to independence with it ? Or is it just a hobby on the side ? For the lulz ? For the whats ?

VC The server hardware I purchased can host a maximum of 280 clients with some more memory and disk space, so after I get it up and running and stable then I'm probably going to go for that. I don't think those are necessarily mutually exclusive ;)

MP So what do you mean "get it up and running and stable" ?

VC I have literally 0 experience running a VPS provider.

MP What do you have experience with ?

VC I have lots of experience as a linux sysadmin, which helps ;)

MP That's not really 0 then, is it ?

VC I dream of a world where I incorporate cock.li and operate and expand a semi-trolling corporation. The way I had it described to me is "almost like ironic professionalism". I take inspiration from GNAA in that regard, though I think I could make it into an actual profit-producing company. Also yes, fair point :)

MP Do you happen to know the republic has been looking for an actual republican ISP ? Actually, you even heard of tmsr ?

VC I have no idea of the republic or tmsr I just heard shit was hot and poppin' here so I joined.

MP Pretty cool. So… are you married ?

VC Nope, I'm 21. I almost got married though a couple years ago. (After a 6 year relationship, so it's not like I was jumping in feet-first).

MP What broke it off ?

VC Oh, you know, reasons ;) Turned out to be one of the best decisions I've made.

MP As in, other cocks ?

VC Haha. Not getting married has allowed me to pursue travelling the world and pursuing other ventures. Only after it was all over did I realize I'm too damn young to get married.

MP So where've you been besides Maine and Bucharest ?

VC Nowhere that's public information :@) Though I plan on backpacking most of Europe next year, and Asia the year after that.

MP Sounds like a plan eh. So what's your favourite Romanian dish ?

VC Cow bone soup O_O

MP Id est oxtail soup ?

VC I had lunch at Excelsior in Bucharest, if you know that place.

MP I do.

VC I went with an older friend who was a government official before he retired. Crazy place.

MP So what don't you like about it ?

VC Excelsior? Nah it was great.

MP Nah, the country.

VC Ah. I don't really know anything I don't like, though I did see a gypsy shitting in the street about a month ago, that was pretty unsettling.

MP Better in the street than in your enchilada though.

VC Hah.
PF5 Wait till you make it to Asia…

MP Alrighty, anything you want to tell teh readership in closing ?

VC Yes, always follow you are dreams.

Perhaps also of interest, the off-the-record discussions once the mike cut.

  1. Pete Dushenski WoT:pete_dushenski ↩

  2. Diana Coman WoT:diana_coman ↩

  3. She sees us Transylvanying, she hatin'. ↩

  4. I influence. ↩

  5. Philip Fominykh WoT:phf ↩